


Too Far

by falsteloj



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Cheating, Doomed Relationship, F/M, M/M, Marauders' Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-17
Updated: 2012-09-17
Packaged: 2017-11-14 10:03:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/514063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falsteloj/pseuds/falsteloj
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James knows what he wants. Doesn't he? (Written a very long time ago... c. 2004?)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Too Far

They were nothing alike. Lily was fiery, a modern woman, confident and independent. Regulus was quiet and reserved, walked with his head down to avoid eye contact. Lily had plenty of friends and, like him, was always the centre of attention. The only person he ever saw Regulus talk to was Snape; the two of them outcasts on the edge of society.

That had been the only reason he’d begun it. Because he had known it would be so pitifully easy. Pete had drunkenly told him one night that he’d overheard Davis, Snivellus’ room mate, telling some other Slytherin that the greasy git was completely besotted with Regulus Black. Sirius’ eyes had shone with glee as he wondered aloud what finding Regulus with someone else would do to Snape. The morning after the others had forgotten it, wiped from their minds in the haze of alcohol induced numbness. But  _he_ hadn’t.

From that initial thought it was but a small step to imagining what Snape would do if he found Regulus with him, James Potter. Would he hex him? Get angry and forget about etiquette and swing for him? Cry? Just pretend he didn’t care and let it crush him in silence? He couldn’t leave the idea alone, even forgetting that he was supposed to be trying for Lily at times as he stared at Regulus whilst letting the others’ banter wash over him. He had to have him.

At first he just caught Regulus’ gaze, smiling at him, before returning to his food or whatever else he was doing. Next he worked out the younger boy’s timetable, giving Peter the slip so he could get Regulus alone in the library in the only free period he didn’t share with Snape. From there he worked on Regulus slowly, talking, feigning interest in what the dark haired boy was doing, eventually suggesting that Regulus might like to meet up that Saturday in Hogsmeade, having already ensured Snape was serving detention with McGonagall for an “unprovoked” attack on his person. After all, who would believe Snape over him?

Regulus was so starved of affection that he fell almost instantly for James’ charm. James had only to whisper, “you’re beautiful” in his ear and kiss him once, chastely, on the cheek and the poor boy was infatuated. And that night he’d gone back to Hogwarts where Lily Evans met him with a shy smile and a confession that she did like him, and a ‘couldn’t they get together some time?’ Before he’d known it was happening he’d got himself a girlfriend.

Lily was easy to love. Regulus was easy to pity. Lily was defiant, questioned everything, and always fought for what she thought was right. Regulus obeyed; looked at the world with such foolish naiveté that he couldn’t even comprehend what it was he was obeying. 

He had finally achieved his aim one Thursday night after walking Regulus back to the Slytherin common room after sneaking out to watch the moon over the lake. Leaning in to kiss Regulus goodnight he’d spotted Snivellus out of the corner of his eye, couldn’t hold back his grin as he kissed Regulus with more passion than he ever had before, smirking as he heard Snape retreating. Barely noticing Regulus till three softly spoken words registered, “I love you.”

That’s when it had hit him. He’d gone too far. He felt sick and the feeling didn’t go, hadn’t gone away. His stomach churned when he saw Snape’s red-rimmed eyes and tear stained cheeks the morning after.  He wanted it to stop! When he was with Lily he smiled and joked and felt almost normal, determining to end it with Regulus as soon as he got a chance. When he was with Regulus a quiet intensity swirled around him, drawing him closer, intoxicating him, driving everything else from his mind.

It couldn’t have gone on. When Lily confronted him about Regulus he had laughed and said there was nothing in it and that he might have kissed the boy once for a bet. Why would he want _him_? When Regulus confronted him about Lily the guilt twisted painfully in his gut, shame searing through him at the tears Regulus couldn’t hold back. He’d felt almost as bad as he does now, the effort to keep his own tears back making his throat sore and his breath come in erratic gasps. He’s messed up and he knows it, seeing Regulus’ grave makes it all so much more real. He should have stopped once he’d got what he wanted, should have left Regulus to Snape, should have focused on Lily. He should focus on Lily, on the baby. 

As the rain splashes around him, dripping from his fringe and trickling icily down his back he turns to leave; he doesn’t love Regulus. Never has. Things just got out of hand, that’s all. Forcing back another sob he shakily walks away, the ache in his heart means nothing; it’ll pass. He’s sure of it.

**Author's Note:**

> As ever, feel free to chat / hit me with prompts over on Tumblr [@serenwib](http://serenwib.tumblr.com/) or Twitter [@falsteloj](https://twitter.com/falsteloj). :)


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